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Formula for Nurturing Relationships


The Relationship Equation: A + E = C


The Relationship Equation: A + E = C

A: attitude; E: emotions; C: communication Attitude (A)

Our attitude is created by our thoughts and influenced by whatever is in our memory. Our attitude determines our outlook, how we interpret what we see and how we act.


Two primary attitudes

  1. The attitude of taking (wanting). Here our mind is thinking ‘I want…’ all the time. As a result we are motivated to go out shopping, to work etc. in order to have what we ‘want.’

  2. The attitude of giving. Here our mind is filled with thoughts of understanding, mercy and compassion. Our motivation to act is ‘what is needed here?’ or ‘what can I give or contribute here?’. When we have an attitude of giving our relationships begin to flourish, as they become more about sharing and learning from each other rather than expectations and disappointments.

Behind the attitude of giving are three powers

  1. Tolerance. If our mind is thinking ‘I want…’ it is restless, unhappy and we become impatient and intolerant. Tolerance, in contrast, springs from compassion and understanding between us grows.

  2. Patience. Tolerance allows patience to grow. Patience means that we don’t get easily irritated, upset or displeased and it enables us to stay respectful towards others.

  3. Contentment. We may have many possessions and yet be discontent; always thinking I want. When we are content we don’t think ‘I want,’ we know the true value of things and are able to appreciate what each moment brings.

Image: Krists Luhaers / Unplash


Emotions (E) In relationships emotions play a big part, and suppressed emotions (the deep hurts that we carry) sometimes explode. Suppression isn’t good, what we need to do is to be able to dissolve these feelings, like a river running into the ocean becomes merged in it. Spirituality gives us the power to do this; to forgive, let go and let the past be the past.


We need to make ourselves strong and stable inside. Focus your thoughts on your true self and your original qualities: peace, love, purity, happiness and truth. When we focus on ourselves in this way our limits and barriers melt away. Take time out to re - discover these highest qualities within yourself, then by sharing them with the world we build up our inner strength.


At the same time, be aware of making molehills into mountains. Thinking too much about situations or others magnifies them and we end up making them into huge burdens for ourselves. Instead of focusing on ‘Why did this happen?’ ask, ‘What is needed here?’ Be like the emergency services, the fireman, for example, doesn’t stop to ask ‘How did this fire start?’ he just acts to put the fire out. Then, move on.

Image: Bagas Muhammad / Unplash


Communication (C)

When our attitude is of giving (respectful) and our emotions ‘clean’ (nothing suppressed) then there can be a connection of love between us and we don’t need many words to understand each other. We are able to leave ego aside we are able to listen to others and accept what they say.

We meet and shake hands and east and west can come together and become best.

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